The Effects Of Abuse Don’t End When The Abuse Does
Your Words… My Words…
I breathed a sigh of relief when you left. When I told you I would no longer tolerate your verbal and emotional abuse.
I felt free.
It was a tough decision to make, and it took me a very long time to muster the courage, but as soon as I did I immediately felt a freedom that I had not felt for a long time.
A weight lifted.
There has been one unexpected hiccough though.
You’re still here. In my head.
Your voice still haunts me in my weakest moments. When I feel unsure of myself and my abilities, or I’m tired, emotional or hormonal, your voice returns.
It tells me all that you used to tell me.
It tells me that I am not good enough, that I’m a fake and everyone will soon find that out. It tells me that I am stupid, incapable, useless, ugly, pathetic, childish, needy and ridiculous.
The more tired, stressed or unsure I become, the louder it shouts.
The louder it shouts, the more tired, stressed and unsure I become.
I try to ignore it but it persists, louder and louder. Until all I can hear inside my head, screaming and drowning everything else out, is your voice, your words.
The words that broke me.
The words that stole my soul and destroyed my self esteem.
The words you used to control me, to belittle me, to hold me back from living my fullest life.
The words that stole away my happiness and killed the joy in my heart.
Your words. In my head.
And most terrifying thing of all, the thing that was the least expected, the thing that ensures that I cannot break free yet is that…
Your words are now in my voice.
I have internalised your criticisms and made them my own.
Your words have become my words. Your voice has become my voice.
This is the damage that you did.
And each time I hear them in the confines of my own head, even though you are no longer here, I have to repair my damaged heart and soul.
Time and time again.
This is the legacy that you have left behind.
Thanks for reading.
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Verbal and Emotional abuse are forms of abuse that can cause untold damage to a person emotionally and psychologically. Domestic abuse does not just involve physical abuse, it can manifest in many forms. Often a physically abusive relationships will have been emotionally abusive for many years before anything physical happened. Emotional and verbal abuse often never turns into physical abuse.
Abuse damages in whatever form it takes and here at Many Small Voices we hope to gather the stories of those who have survived abuse into one resource to help and support those who are still victims. We also hope to support survivors through recovery once the abuse has stopped because the scars are still there and will remain forever. Support after abuse is just as important.
We are not experts, just people who are passionate that domestic abuse, in whatever form it takes, must be stopped.
If you think you or someone you know needs help please take a look in our links page to find a list of organisations that strive to help support victims of abuse.
We are looking for your stories of abuse to feature on our blog and make many small voices one LOUD voice. We will protect your anonymity at all times should you wish to remain anonymous, so please contact us for more details.
Many Small Voices To Make One Big Voice Speaking Out Against Domestic Abuse.