Oh hello Mr Nasty
Oh hello Mr. Nasty, there you are. Gosh how I’ve missed you. Life seemed so, well, so happy, settled and uneventful without you and your destructive ways. I suppose it couldn’t last for long. And here you are again, rearing your ugly head, spouting your own personal brand of cruelty.
I was thinking while you were ranting on the phone, bleating on about how you were only trying to ‘help’ me, I was thinking that I know you can’t be trusted. That thought danced through my mind waving banners and whistling loudly with an entourage of past evidence following behind it and seconds later you proved it. You kept saying that you weren’t angry.You said you were just worried and upset. But with you, my dear, anger is only ever a moment away. Always bubbling under the surface, manipulating everything that comes out of your mouth, twisting all that I say into something ugly and untrue.
Three bullying phone calls yesterday between 5pm and 8pm. Three calls where you ranted on and on, not letting me get a word in, declaring that your intention was only to help me sort things out. Three phone calls during the busiest time of my day, while I was cooking the dinner, helping with homework and getting our youngest child ready for bed. When I decided enough was enough and turned off my phone you called our daughter to speak to me.
When you talk the subtext undermines you and all of your words are hollow. I am so very well practiced at hearing the real meaning behind what you say.
What is worse is that you know I know and that frustrates you even more, you’d rather return to those days when I was unsure, when you could emotionally and verbally batter me and I didn’t see it coming. When instead of getting the knowing look you do now, I reeled in pain and shock and struggled to regain my balance under your vicious attacks.
Of course you would like a return to those days where you ruled. But now, now you have no one to feed off and, oh I bet you’re hungry.
I told you I will sort things, that things were actually sorted, but that’s not good enough for you Mr. controlling, oh no, you’d love to be able to sabotage me now more than ever. You want to meet for coffee, well we both know what that means, it’s a manipulation tactic. It is designed to make me nervous, and while we are there you will relentlessly bombard me with information designed to confuse me and make me feel uncertain. I am well versed in your methods. You spent 6 years training me, after all. What is worse is all of this is just to get what you what. Regardless of me. Regardless of our children. It was always about you getting what you want. By any means possible and to you collateral damage is par for the course, even if it is our children.
Well, I’m afraid I will not allow you that any more. I’ve allowed too much. There will be no meeting and no face to face discussions outside of our ﬁnal mediation session. You proved who you are again. You have revealed your true colours.
Here’s some news Mr. Nasty, you can fuck off. I don’t want your help. I don’t want your friendship. I don’t want to be nice. I don’t want to talk to you, text you, email you, see you.
Full stop. You destroyed this. You did this. The further you are away from me the better.
So take your anger and your nastiness and shove it ﬁrmly somewhere entirely uncomfortable, even if there isn’t much room left what with the self important pole shoved up there too.
Abuse damages in whatever form it takes and here at Many Small Voices we hope to gather the stories of those who have survived abuse into one resource to help and support those who are still victims. We also hope to support survivors through recovery once the abuse has stopped because the scars are still there and will remain forever. Support after abuse is just as important.
We are not experts, just people who are passionate that domestic abuse, in whatever form it takes, must be stopped.
If you think you or someone you know needs help please take a look in our links page to find a list of organisations that strive to help support victims of abuse.
We are looking for your stories of abuse to feature on our blog and make many small voices one LOUD voice. We will protect your anonymity at all times should you wish to remain anonymous, so please contact us for more details.