Posted in posts by us

TedTalk by Dr Jennifer Harman on parental alienation.

An amazing TedTalk on how our societal expectations encourage and support parental alienation.

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He Wants To Clear His Name. 

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This is the story of a man who wants to clear his name.

A man who wants to prove to world he isn’t what his ex wife says he is.

You see, he lost him temper. A lot. Not with everyone. Mostly with the woman he claimed to love.

He shouted at her, he called her cruel names, he kept tabs on her, made sure she was ‘behaving’, he screamed in her face, threatened to get physical with her, told her she was ‘useless’, ‘stupid’, ‘a disgusting creature’, a ‘bitch’, a ‘nobber’, ‘a fucking useless waste of breath’.

He did this because, he said, she was ‘inadequate’, ‘difficult’, ‘stubborn’. He did it, he said, because ‘someone had to put her straight’, and because ‘she needed to know what was wrong with her’.

He justified his reasons, over and over again. And when she cried, when she broke, and she asked him to stop, he promised he would every time. Only he didn’t.

Eventually he didn’t even promise to stop. Eventually even the apologies stopped. It was, he said, all HER fault.

She took him to Relate Marriage Counselling, in a last ditch attempt to help him understand how much he was hurting her. The counsellor said, in the first ten minutes of the first session,

“What you have just described to me is a form of domestic abuse.”

Domestic Abuse. Verbal Abuse. Emotional Abuse.

He was abusing her.

Still, he didn’t stop. He still shouted, screamed and said horrible, horrible things to the woman he claimed he loved. He said the counsellor was “talking shit.”. He said that the woman that he claimed to love “wouldn’t know abuse if it jumped up and bit her on the arse.”. He said his sister went to Relate and said they were all “Crap.”, so nothing that was said counted for anything.

He abused her because she ‘deserved it’.

So, battered and bruised on the inside, the woman finally plucked up the courage, after years and years of being told she was too useless to do anything on her own, and she told him to leave.

He wants to clear his name. He cannot accept that he was abusive, he doesn’t want anyone to think he was, or could have been. He is enraged that she told others what he did to her. He says, “Anyone living with you would find out what I had to put up with.”. He says it is all her fault. She’s a “useless, stupid, selfish cow”, and it’s ALL her fault.

He wants to clear his name.

With his family, his friends, his children. So what does he do next?

Does he walk away with dignity? Does he say, “I’m sorry this didn’t work out. I’m sorry for my part to play in that.”. Does he respect that this is her decision? A decision that she, as an adult, can make, for whatever reasons she feels are valid, whether he agrees or not? Does he focus on the divorce NOT affecting their children too badly? Does he stop drinking excessively?

No.

He wants to clear his name.

So he wages war.

War against the woman he claimed he loved. The woman he claimed to have respected. He wages full on war.

He shouts, he gossips, spreads lies, shouts some more, he uses the children as weapons, he shouts “You’re a bad mother, I’m calling social services!” in front of their children. He keeps coming into the house where the woman and the children live, barging in saying “This is MY house.”, even though he can see the fear in his children’s eyes, the fear in his soon to be ex wife’s face.

He wants to clear his name.

He watches who she sees, who she talks to. He stalks her online activity. Even though they are separated she is his constantly on his mind. He gets drunk and behaves appallingly, frighteningly, threateningly. He destroys the marital bed because he’s convinced himself she is sleeping with other men in there. He rifles through her bedroom, through her personal and private belongings, looking for ‘evidence’ of her ‘seeing other men’, they are separated… and it is none of his business… but he doesn’t care. This is war.

He wants to clear his name.

He says, suddenly, she’s a bad mother. She was a good mother before, but now she has left him, she is a bad mother, selfish and thoughtless, neglecting HIS children. He encourages the children to play her up. To pry for him too. He rewards them for bad behaviour and for reporting things back to him. When she tries to discipline the children he runs to the kids’ rescue, and says that their mother is mad and crazy and, he will take care of them and protect them from ‘her’. He doesn’t support her, even when she is right. He wants them to live with him. They’re ‘his’ children and his ex is mental for leaving him. That’ll hurt her, he thinks, with no real regard for what the children need.

He wants to clear his name.

He fights over the money, using the children here too, by encouraging them to live with him so he’ll not have to ‘reward’ his ex with any of ‘his’ money. He fights and fights for more and more. He doesn’t pay any maintenance, he doesn’t want to have to give ‘her’ any money to help ‘her’ out. He says the kids probably won’t even see it, she’ll probably spend it ‘shagging around’. Even though this was never her nature for the previous 16 years.

He wants to clear his name.

He won’t pick the kids up, he doesn’t want to ‘babysit’ for her while she ‘goes out with men’. Later, he will pick the kids up, but only after shouting at her for 15 minutes. She finds a new home because she cannot live anymore with his constant intrusions, and she is fortunate enough, through this hell, to find a new loving and supportive partner. Now he can’t pick the kids up because he feels ‘uncomfortable’ at her house, he says she’s ‘shacked up’ with her new partner, so he keeps dropping the kids at the end of the long drive. She says the kids are too young to be left like that, and asks him to please drop them at the house. He says “no way”. So she puts her foot down this time and says that he needs to compromise with her, that he can’t keep behaving like this, she says, “When you’re ready to talk sensibly about the kids you can see them.”

He takes her to court.

He wants to clear his name.

The court says he should pick the kids up and drop them off properly. The courts don’t want to listen to the huge folder of ‘evidence’ he has brought along that ‘proves’ how terrible a person she is. They want him to move on and behave like a sensible parent, “Let it all go now, the past is gone.” the judge says. In court he says he has, he will, he sounds all very sensible and convincing. But he hasn’t. He can’t.

He wants to clear his name.

The story continues, in a never ending loop. Everything she does is, in his opinion, up for his scrutiny, to be judged, shouted about, gossiped about and condemned. On and on and on and she feels as though it will never end. She just wants him to go away. But,

He wants to clear his name.

He wants to prove to the world that his abuse was justified, that SHE is the problem, that HE is just fine.

But he’s not. If he was, he’d stop. But he can’t stop because he can’t live with the truth.

The truth is that HE ABUSED HER and in his constant and unrelenting attempt to clear his name, he proves and illustrates this time and time again.

He can never be free from what he has done. Not because she won’t move on and live her life. But because he won’t let her.

This is my story, and for the first time in a long time, I am owning it. I am that woman and I have lived and I am still living this hell.

I said at the beginning of our break up, and I still say the same,

I just wanted him to stop.

Do I hold much hope of him stopping? No, I don’t. If this last year is anything to go by, he isn’t stopping anytime soon – even though he a new girlfriend (I wish her the best of luck), even though there is nothing to fight for any more, even though the damage to the children needs repairing now, not perpetuating.

So i just keep breathing and living and being as happy as possible. I roll with the punches (for want of a better phrase).

I write here to, because it helps and, hopefully, it will help others going through similar too.

Love and light.

Abuse happens in all kinds of relationships, though abusers are often men and victims are often women, we know very well that this is not always the case.

***

We are looking for your stories of abuse to feature. Many small voices make one LOUD voice.

Domestic abuse damages in whatever form and here at Many Small Voices we hope to gather the stories of those who have survived abuse into one resource to help and support those who are still victims. We also hope to support survivors through recovery once the abuse has stopped because the scars are still there and will remain forever. Support after abuse is just as important.

We are not experts, just people who are passionate that domestic abuse, in whatever form it takes, must be stopped.

If you think you or someone you know needs help please take a look in our links page to find a list of organisations that strive to help support victims of abuse.

Posted in posts by us

Healthy Relationships vs Emotionally Abusive Relationships.

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Healthy Relationships differ wildly from emotionally abusive relationships, but it’s not always easy to tell the difference when you’re in them. Here are some comparisons.

An Emotionally Abusive Relationship:

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  • Makes you feel anxious.
  • Makes you feel that you’re not good quite enough.
  • You worry that what you say or do is going to upset your partner.
  • They check up on you, reads your post, emails, text messages.
  • Accuse you of cheating or not thinking of their needs enough.
  • Keeps you stuck, not fulfilling your full potential.
  • They don’t support your desire to make yourself a more independent person.
  • Shouts at you, calls you names, insults you.
  • Controls you, where you go, what you wear, who you socialise with.
  • Demands your time and attention away from other people, children and activities.
  • Punishes you when you’re not doing as they want.
  • Gives you the silent treatment or tells you they’re not upset when their actions say they are.
  • Explodes into temper unexpectedly, makes you feel that you need to walk on eggshells to avoid it.
  • Twists what you say, only hears what they want to hear, misses the point because it suits them not hear it it, tells you that you said something entirely different.
  • Laughs at your beliefs, ridicules your religion, discounts your life experiences. Tells you you know nothing.
  • Let’s you down. Doesn’t turn up to watch the kids while you work, is consistently late. Doesn’t call ahead to let you know. Gets angry with you if you call them to hurry them up or find out where they are. Seems to think you have all the time in the world and that time revolves around them and their needs.
  • Controls the finances, spends money but scrutinises your spending. Tells you you’re too stupid or irresponsible to handle finances.

Most of all things ‘feel’ off. You feel tense, you feel worried. You can’t relax fully and on the rare occasions you do, there are repercussions. You’re caught off guard, you double check everything.

Emotionally abusive relationships are a stark contrast to healthy relationships, but the behaviour is so gradually introduced so that over time the abuse becomes normalised.

A Healthy Relationship:

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  • You feel relaxed in each other’s company.
  • You feel not only good enough but fully accepted and loved, for your good points and your flaws.
  • You don’t worry or second guess yourself or your partner, you’re free to speak your mind.
  • Your privacy is respected and never violated.
  • You have time to yourself, with your friends and your family. They are capable of being alone too, they don’t ‘need’ you to lavish all of your attention on them.
  • Supports and encourages you to improve yourself, to study or exercise, etc. Loves you for who you are and for who you might become. They are not afraid of changes in you, they are glad for you to pursue your happiness. A happy you equals a happy them and vice versa.
  • Encourages independence while still retaining a healthy balance of sharing within the relationship. Things are equal, shared and fair. When one needs support the other steps in to help.
  • Doesn’t resort to name calling during conflicts. Sticks to the subject, deals with difficult emotions maturely and responsibly.
  • Let’s you live your life the way you choose to. Doesn’t question your motives, accepts they are not the centre of your life.
  • You are both happy to spend time alone. Happy to be together but with comfortable silences. No need to fill in the gaps.
  • Doesn’t expect you to do only what they want, compromises, isn’t upset if you wish to do something different.
  • Explains how they feel without deliberately trying to hurt you. Doesn’t hide how they feel. Doesn’t give mixed messages.
  • Handles anger responsibly. Feels angry, but doesn’t always react. Doesn’t target their anger at you.
  • Hears you. You feel heard, your opinion counts even if they don’t agree. They take what you said in the manner that you meant it, if they don’t understand they ask you for clarification, not make assumptions.
  • Respects your religion, beliefs and life experiences.
  • Doesn’t let you down, turns up on time, or calls if there’s a problem. Doesn’t leave you worrying or stranded.
  • Shares the financial responsibility.

You feel loved, you feel treasured and important. You feel safe and you can relax and be yourself without worrying about what’s happening next. You can make mistakes and not be penalised for not being perfect. Healthy relationships nourish you, they feel wonderful, and everyone deserves to feel truly loved.

These are just some examples of emotional abuse within relationships. If you can think of any more behaviour to compare healthy/unhealthy relationship patterns please comment below and we will include them in our list.

***

Abuse happens in all kinds of relationships, though abusers are often men and victims are often women, we know very well that this is not always the case.

Abuse is often hard to recognise. Here at MSV we hope to help victims realise they are in abusive relationships and empower them to take safe action.

By sharing our stories we hope that others can find the strength to help themselves and get support from relevant agencies.

We are looking for your stories of abuse to feature. Many small voices make one LOUD voice.

Domestic abuse damages in whatever form and here at Many Small Voices we gather the stories of those who have survived abuse into one resource to help and support those who are still victims. We also hope to support survivors through recovery once the abuse has stopped because the scars are still there and will remain forever. Support after abuse is just as important.

We are not experts, just people who are passionate that domestic abuse, in whatever form it takes, must be stopped.

If you think you or someone you know needs help please take a look in our links page to find a list of organisations that strive to help support victims of abuse.

Posted in posts by you

I Thought I Had Found Love by heartbrokenopen.

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Thank You to heartbrokenopen for this emotive and honest writing. Originally submitted as a comment, we decided to feature it as a story on it’s own. Please be aware that due to the subject matter of MSV all posts may contain strong language.

I thought I had found love, I had found my soul mate, my perfect match. The man I had been waiting for, praying for and preparing for my whole life.

The man of my dreams. I thanked my creator everyday for our union. We were in bliss for so long. He was everything I had waited for and more.

Valiant, present, interested, interesting, fun, funny, handsome, hands on, open and so in tune with me. My prayers had been answered; my 4 year celibacy had not been in vain. I had found the one. He was brought to me by the gods of love through a series of synchronistic events. The meeting was magical. The timing perfect. The union was inseparable and so beautiful. The ocean was aglow with phosphorescence as the two of us literally danced on the shores, the night sky aglow with dozens upon dozens of shooting starts as we kissed beneath their splendour breathless and in love.

Everything as so perfect and dreamy, I fell so in love, like I have never before, the love I’ve always dreamed of.

We looked similar in many ways too, face shape, body type, ringlets, innocent eyes, we just flowed. The sex, oh the sex was so great and I thought it was because of the magical love we had discovered and awakened in each other. It felt spiritual.

We share intuitive binds and have linear backgrounds, our historical events match up even. But then there was the sudden withdraw. The distancing. the mood swings, the accusations started to roll in out of the blue. Then I was so confused and afraid. I reached out, I tried to please. I questioned my words, actions and deeds. What happened? What did I do wrong? Did I say something? Not say something?

I bent over backwards to restore what we were building, to hold on to this great love. The phase passed quickly, I was successful and my lover and I were once again connected. I could breath again, the pain was gone. I misunderstood him and now had a deeper understanding of him and myself. I forged ahead, we forged ahead. A few months later he secured work out of province, a good paying steady job. He loved me but had to go work. We texted and kept daily contact. He missed me. I missed him.

I left my island, my home, to go to him in a flat land province for the greater good of us all, his kid, my kids, us, our relationship. He had a great paying job, was working so hard. I was too, taking care of the family needs, the house, the food, everything a good woman could offer.

One night while climbing into bed he threw a pillow at me, called me a cunt and told me to get the fuck out of HIS house and his life. Astonished and shaken to the soul I pleaded, I wept, I retreated into a dark calamity within myself that never existed before. It had only been two months since the move. What had I done? He stone walled me. Slept on the floor in another room. I desperately went to him in the night laid next to him held him and stroked him only to be met by a stone, a shallow version of who I thought was a good man. I slunk back to my room and cried for hours. I packed up the kids through their bewildered tears and my confusion. Drove through the rockies in the dead of winter back to my island.

He contacted me, regretful, promising, mistaken, why hadn’t I held on a day or two more for the “fight” to blow over, he didn’t mean it, he loved me deeply. It felt better than the pain and rejection. I soaked it in, reach out to meet his pleas. I forgave, I was learning unconditional love, or so I thought.

He worked so hard to make right what he had wronged. He come see me monthly for an entire year, sent me money, romanced me, texted me through out the day at least hourly. He sent me money and promises faithfully. We were back to where we started, in love and bliss.

We were going places. I catered, I helped, I was the secretary, lover, saint, mediator, planner, cook, lover, mother and everything he needed me to be and I was glad to do it, inspired even.

He held me, loved me, complimented me, made sweet love to me. But then the mood switch would happen, I would plummet into desperation, pain and despair. It must be me. I must fix this. I’d plead and please and coax the man I thought he was right back out of him and I’d turn the other cheek, look the other way, forgive and forget because there was love to be had a life to be lived. We forged ahead.

He left his job and province to join me because he loved me so much he couldn’t bare the thought of me being alone any longer. We celebrated, moved to a beautiful, bigger house right on the beach. This was bliss. A dream come true. I made sure everything was perfect, I engaged, preformed, served and gave of my self, my time my energy to make it all so perfect because he had given me a gift, a dream, a promise. Two weeks later he didn’t come home. I fell. I went to another dark space that never before existed within myself. I felt dazed, confused, disoriented and afraid. I had to fix it. Right away. Make it stop. Get the pain to go away and restore the life we had. I did. Again.

Then after New years he dropped the bomb. He needed space. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t ready. He was leaving. I cried and pleaded, I tried to understand. He moved across the street, into a bachelor suite literally 30 seconds from my door. Leaving me in a home I loved that I could not afford alone. I felt stupid for being duped again. Yet I held on. I held my breath. I held my ground. I waited. He came back around sorrowful with explanations, he was not prepared to have anew family, a different life than the one he had before he met me. He was sorry. He was not gone, just needed space and loved me, told me to hold on. I did. I still did his laundry, served him food, loved him, gave of my self and finances. He spent six months nearly unemployed. Only ever working a week or two to make rent. I fed him, bought his smokes and beer. He never went without. I cleaned his house, his laundry and waited for when he was ready to engage so I could feel loved again, whole again.

The year that followed was a yo-yo year. Hot cold, in, out, up, down. Filled with lies and deceit. He trolled craigslist, plenty of fish and online forums for women. I became obsessed with tracking his online movements. I hacked his computer and set up a fake profile to bait him. I caught him. I still loved him and took him back again and again. I knew the pattern very well by then. I saw the eye change, the walk change, felt the distance, had the warning dreams and nightmares about him but still waited with baited breath to be loved.

He used everything about me that he could. My innocence was a mocking tool. My sexuality was a weapon. My love was a bait. The gifts he had given me were weapons to use over me when we were off again. He threatened me. I still held on.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

I gave and gave some more hoping the man I thought I knew and loved would emerge again. I told myself he has a mental illness, he can’t help it and he really does love me. This can be fixed. So I held on, I righted his wrongs and gave some more.

Finally in August of this year I let go. I told him I loved him but it was obvious we wanted different things and that I didn’t want to fight but to just separate and go on with life. I did. I felt sad and depressed but empowered. The love notes started flooding in. He’d knock on my window at 3am and plead and apologise. I held my ground. He asked to talk to me. I agreed. He took me to our special beach at sunset and professed his love, opened his heart, told me he wanted to grow old with me and that he could not see his future without me in it. My heat soared. We wept. We loved once again.

My mother came to visit, they met, she was smitten also. He selflessly gave up his suite for her to stay in and stayed with me here for the three weeks. I was so happy. Surrounded by so much love.

It was the first time the whole year we’d gone steady, no blips, no hot and cold, no withdraw. I thought we reached a turning point.

Mom went home, impressed by our love and how alike we were and right we were for each other. She was so happy for us.

As soon as she was gone he withdrew. I reached out, I needed comfort, I needed my man, please baby come hold me. But that was a bad thing and I was met with emotional neglect for nearly two weeks. He gave me crumbs, just enough to keep me holding on and hoping and keep me serving and then one night I had cooked his dinner and was waiting for him to return from work. He never did. See we live in separate homes but he would come in the morning, kiss me and get a home made lunch for work and then return to a home cooked meal. Our lives were completely entwined.

He stopped texting me, wouldn’t return my texts. So I went to his pad, his work clothes were there, he’d been home and left. Where did he go? I went into the laptop I gave him and found out some bits and pieces. He was seeing a woman. He did not communicate with me for three weeks over my birthday and thanksgiving. The boys (his and mine) told me what was going on. He was seeing his friends ex, she contacted him for sympathy because her boyfriend (his friend) was cheating on her and the relationship ended. So he cheated on me to console her. I was so torn, to the soul, I was a zombie! Pain was all I knew. I don’t even know how I functioned at all.

THEN he came back, broken, sorry, more real and raw than I had ever seen him. We grieved together for 6 days. He took all the blame. I didn’t deserve any of it he said, it was all his fault, why do I love a man like him, I deserve so much more than he is giving me.

I took him back and the past month has been bliss. Then Friday night he withdrew. Gave me attitude, treated me dismissively, me not wanting to seem to needy (after all we’d spent a month in recovery together, he just needed a night alone)

I tested here and there to check in because the silence felt deafening. We had just been so intimate and close. I felt used and confused again. Saturday night I went a bought drinks for myself. He texted with a guilt trip about why I didn’t invite him. I said I thought you wanted to be alone at home. That was wrong. So I said, come over baby have a few drinks with me. Nope, I’m staying home. So I reacted! I expressed anger, why would you say that then shoot me down?

Well then came another huge discard. I was a user, a whore, a cunt. I should fuck off forever and die and get out of his life, leave him alone. So okay. I can’t take it anymore. I started selling the furniture. He flipped his lid. How dare I move on! Then he texts me some more nasty things and finally says, “I’m on a date fuck off and die you fat bitch”.

So here I am. Trying to move on. Let go for good. It’s not easy.

I stalked him tonight much to my shame but I did. He hid his vehicle in a parking lot of a local pub and whoever he is with picked him up and I am obsessing about it. What is wrong with me. Anyway I have plan. I hope to god I do it. I need it to stop. I need out. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

This is not what love should be.

***

We are looking for your stories of abuse to feature. Many small voices make one LOUD voice.

Domestic abuse damages in whatever form and here at Many Small Voices we hope to gather the stories of those who have survived abuse into one resource to help and support those who are still victims. We also hope to support survivors through recovery once the abuse has stopped because the scars are still there and will remain forever. Support after abuse is just as important.

We are not experts, just people who are passionate that domestic abuse, in whatever form it takes, must be stopped.

If you think you or someone you know needs help please take a look in our links page to find a list of organisations that strive to help support victims of abuse.

Posted in posts by us

Words.

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Words, words, words. Too many words.

I love words. I love the English language. I love it’s ability for ambiguity, for irony, for the opportunity to play around with meanings, it’s fluidity, it’s beauty, it’s rhythm and flow.

I love to write. It helps get whatever mess is in my head, out. It helps me to process my emotions.

I love to read, a good novel is hard to find. It is exciting to open up the first crisp page, often too short lived and always leaves me wanting more.

Words.

They can be used to uplift, inspire, comfort, reassure.

They can be used to belittle, hurt, scorn and spread hatred.

They can lie.

A good lie looks you right in the eye and doesn’t subconsciously scratch it’s nose. It says good things to you without giving anything away. A good liar must be well practiced. Lies, upon lies. Sometimes the only thing you have to go on is the slight twist of discomfort in your stomach. Something doesn’t quite fit.

No, it all fits, I’ve checked, right? I’ve asked, I’ve looked into your eyes and you said it again. It was the truth then, it must be now, right?

So why does my gut say different? I have no evidence. I have no proof. Just this damn knot and it won’t go away.

Words. Just words. Beautiful, mesmerising, captivating words.

Now, action? That shit can’t lie. It does what it says on the tin. Done, sorted, acted upon. Good action are good. Bad actions are bad. No amount of words can change that. No matter how hard someone tries.

Oh words, my favourite toy, they must be treated with caution. Like a cat curled up enjoying a tummy rub they can suddenly and unexpectedly turn and stick their claws and teeth deep into your trusting hand.

Wounding you forever.

Words. Like an assassin, can take the life from you. Harsh, cruel, hurtful words that cut to the core. Words that demean, they take from you, they hold energy and they can be like a bulldozer to your soul.

Terry Pratchett wrote in the book The Wee Free Men:

“They think written words are even more powerful,’ whispered the toad. ‘They think all writing is magic. Words worry them…”

Words hold power. Though I don’t agree with the toad… They don’t need to be written down for their power to manifest.

“Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Yeah. Right.

Words kill. They spread hatred, rumours, intolerance and ignorance. Before there is any damage there are the words behind it. Words maim souls. Words kill before anyone dies.

Use your words with caution. None of us truly consider the power that is held within them.

And that knot in the stomach?

Listen to it. It is always, always right.

***

We are looking for your stories of abuse to feature. Many small voices make one LOUD voice.

Domestic abuse damages in whatever form and here at Many Small Voices we hope to gather the stories of those who have survived abuse into one resource to help and support those who are still victims. We also hope to support survivors through recovery once the abuse has stopped because the scars are still there and will remain forever. Support after abuse is just as important.

We are not experts, just people who are passionate that domestic abuse, in whatever form it takes, must be stopped.

If you think you or someone you know needs help please take a look in our links page to find a list of organisations that strive to help support victims of abuse.

Posted in Links to amazing stuff

Leslie Morgan Steiner. Why Domestic Violence Victims Don’t Leave

Another powerful video, this time a TED talk explaining why domestic violence and abuse victims don’t ‘just leave’

direct link here.

***

We are looking for your stories of abuse to feature. Many small voices make one LOUD voice.

Domestic abuse damages in whatever form and here at Many Small Voices we hope to gather the stories of those who have survived abuse into one resource to help and support those who are still victims. We also hope to support survivors through recovery once the abuse has stopped because the scars are still there and will remain forever. Support after abuse is just as important.

We are not experts, just people who are passionate that domestic abuse, in whatever form it takes, must be stopped.

If you think you or someone you know needs help please take a look in our links page to find a list of organisations that strive to help support victims of abuse.